Changes

Yes, ladies and . . . well, ladies (I don't think any men read this), change is the essence of the day . . . and the month . . . and the year! I apologize for not keeping up with my blog in the past months, but I've been doing a LOT of changing and it takes a lot of time and energy.

Last year was both an ecstatic and a depressing year. I got married (Yeah!) which was great, but I went through something similar to post-partum depression right after my honeymoon that kept me in the doldrums and tears for months. All I could do after I came down from wedding-blind bliss was find gaping holes in my life: my career (or, in my case, lack thereof), my finances (again, lack thereof), my friend-life (lack thereof), my attitude towards life and myself (BAD! BAD! BAD!). I even went so far into Negativity (the antithesis of Neverland) that I started to drag my once uplifting and glorious marriage down with my rapidly-sinking mental ship of, perhaps not Titanic, but defintely Britannic proportions. EVERYTHING was wrong and I felt somewhat powerless to do anything about it. I just wanted things to be better, but I didn't know how to do that. I wanted others to make it right for me, and I think I started blocking people out since they weren't doing what I subconciously wanted them to do.

Then, at the beginning of this year, something happened. I got sick of myself. I looked at myself in the mirror and said, "AGH! What the F--k?! YOU are better than this!" I realized that buried deep under layers of self-doubt and recrimination was a confident, go-getter woman who had a great deal to offer. I used to be really in touch with this Heather. I somehow, over time, lost touch with her. I'm now working on rebuilding this relationship. I'm finding that she is a pretty awesome person.

So, I'm changing a whole lot of things - including giving my blog a much-needed face-lift. It now looks better and has a better title. I like it, anyway, and really, who else's opinion really matters when it comes to blogging?

The first major change: my career. I realized that the loss of my old self really started when I left teaching. I know I used to whine about grading papers, but it's something I find myself very passionate about. I like watching students grasp new things they didn't know before. I like being the one to guide them to heights even they didn't think they could get to. I HATE how our current education system operates. I could talk about this subject for hours, and that is a clear-cut sign that I'm passionate about it.

I have been unsuccessful in re-entering the college-level teaching world. I really need a PhD for that in this area of the country (Love ya anyway, Greenville!), and I was not accepted into any programs this year. Maybe it's not meant to be. Maybe it's not meant to be right now. Either way, I can't remain stagnant in wait, so I'm pushing forward in another way: high school.

Tomorrow morning I am taking all 3 required PRAXIS tests for emergency teacher certification in the state of South Carolina. I've been studying almost non-stop for 3 weeks. I'm semi-confident I will do well. I'm not entirely sure about my grasp of teaching lingo (I never had to learn it to teach in college. Go figure.), but I do have a Master's in Creative Writing. I am the ultimate in believeable BS!

So, hopefully, by the end of the summer, I will be free of my completely awful job that I've held for 3 years and back into doing something both worthwhile and personally gratifying. Keep your fingers crossed.

The other changes: slowly but surely. Once I get my career situation readjusted, I will begin working on the friend dilemna, because I defintely could use a few more!

Whoo! What a load, I know. But stay tuned. There will be more exciting news to come, I'm sure.