In Between

Ever feel like you're on this plain of existence that totally doesn't match that of everyone else you know? Like you're living in The Matrix? I do.

I'm in this weird inbetween stage of life where I'm not happy where I am and all attempts to move forward or away from my current position doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere. Like I'm on some sort of hamster wheel - spinning but not really going anywhere.

I'm still waiting on my PRAXIS scores, but I have put out a few "feeler" e-mails regarding teaching jobs. So far, 2 out of the 5 e-mails have recieved a response: position already filled. I'm beginning to think getting a teaching job this fall won't happen. I feel a bit bummed at this prospect because twice now I've really tried to re-enter teaching (once through a PhD program and now through the PACE (emergency certification) program) and neither attempt appears to really be getting me the hell out of my current job. What's the use of having a Master's degree and filling out all this paperwork and studying like a crazy person and taking these monsterously expensive tests if it doesn't help me progress in life?

I know. I'm whining. But damn it, I've worked hard to change my place in this universe and the universe keeps saying, "Ha, Ha! You can't catch me!" Well poo on you universe!

I apologize to those of you who read this and have much greater (and no doubt, more worthy) isses to complain about. I know I'm lucky to be healthy and have food and a roof over my head, but then, I wouldn't be American if I didn't whine about my life, right?

AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!