What a Girl Wants . . . and what she can Afford

It's been awhile my friends. I am sorry for that. August was the single busiest time in my entire life (and I count that over my final semester in Graduate school). If I wasn't working at work, I was house hunting. If I wasn't househunting, I was taking care of errands that needed to be done at home. If I wasn't doing errands, I was somehow sleeping. All communication with friends and family pretty much came to a hault. I hated that feeling most. I feel guilty being the "estranged" one.

Anyway, now that a new girl has FINALLY replaced my old position at work, my life should start to get easier. That and stopping the house hunt.

Yes, it was a hard decision to make, but my husband and I decided that we were financially unprepared to buy a house. We kept having arguments over money and mortgages and down payments (lack thereof) and we weren't sleeping or eating or even enjoying breathing. It was not a pleasant month.

So, after a lot of thought and disappointed hopes on both sides, we have decided to wait until next year to buy a house. In the meantime, we are going to live as if we have a mortgage and put the extra money into savings so that when we are ready to buy, we will have a downpayment. It will mean changing our lifestyle and not doing as much stuff, but in the end it will be worth it. Nothing like a cold, hard slap in the face by the reality of finances to make you evaluate your life. Makes me realize that no matter how much I say I'm not materialistic, I am not that different than most of the American public - to my shame.

Now I'm having to evaluate what I truly want and how I can afford it. I want to go to a beach. I want to go camping. I want to go to my friend Amber's baby shower. I want to go home for either Thanksgiving or Christmas. I want to spend more quality time with friends I have here (or at least developing some friends here). I want to enjoy life more simply and not feel pressured by outrageous demands on my time and on my emotions. I want to feel content and happy again.

Some of this cannot be bought. What is associated with money, I have to weigh. I am sorry to say that if I am to spend any holiday time with my family, it will come at the expense of my friend's baby shower. I am truly sad to miss that. I want to be everywhere for everything, but at some point, I have to say no. It's especially hard because I'm a people pleaser and it bothers me to no end when I have to disappoint someone or many people. I can only hope to be understood and forgiven. And someday, when expenses are not quite so tight, I will make it up to them.

If I go on much longer, I'll border on the macabre, so I'll stop. But my brain is still going. Thanks for letting me get some of the weight off that particular organ.